Grade The Guild!

*SPOILERS IN THIS REVIEW*

- So watch the full episode here before reading what's below -

The Guild

3.01 Expansion Time

Running Time: 5 minutes 29 seconds

Starring: Felicia Day, Sandeep Parikh, Jeff Lewis, Robin Thorsen, Vincent Caso, Amy Okuda (credit only)

Guest Starring: Wil Wheaton, Michele Boyd

Also Starring: J Teddy Garces, Mike Rose, Teal Sherer, Alexander Yi

Character Class: Above Average

Grade: B+

One word: recap.

Four words: Recap, good start, entertaining.

First off, I now realize one thing FANTASTIC about web serials (besides the fact that I can watch them at any time I want) is that while I can place spoiler alerts at the start of my post like I do for other reviews of mainstream TV episodes, for web episodes I can ALSO actually post the link to the video itself, thus, really eliminating the need for spoiler alerts since it'll be your own fault if you don't heed my advice and watch before you read what I write.

Let's get right down to this episode.

Oh, red hair, how I have missed you so.

While we're on the topic of ice cream, while butter pecan generally is good for all occasions, I personally would recommend double chocolate chip or anything extra cocoa-y for sad times like heartbreak, work-related depression or failure for midterms. I don't know why, and I don't know how, but chocolate really does soothe shattered vena cava.

Now here we have an example of believable acting for love scenes. Watching Michele Boyd and Sandeep Parikh wrestle is awkward enough in itself, mainly because the two really seem incompatible as far as chemistry goes, but the gusto and enthusiasm the two have make the scene watchable, and above all, believable. Not to mention they get the best, funniest lines in the whole episode.

Bladezz appears, being all, well, Bladezz-like. Nothing extraordinary to note here except for the CheesyBeards T-shirt. I just wanted to say that it's not very difficult to obtain a Cheesy Beard, contrary to popular belief, at least not if you eat my dad's secret-recipe mac-and-cheese.

All the time he was talking, I was staring at the Halo 3 box in the window of GameStop. I'll bet "stupid tall hot girl" would approve.

Clara didn't get exceptionally-funny lines. They were the typical Clara lines, dumb-blonde-mother-makes-a-bad-parenting-decision. But still funny.

Kim Evey alert! Wow, the makeup department did a good job, didn't they?

Look in the background. Can anyone say, squab?

Vork was on form, but I really didn't get the point of his scene. The entire part with Codex entering Vork's tent, talking to him, did nothing to entertain or advance the plot besides establishing, for all those who don't play WoW, the fact that trolls chase after unsuspecting Priests (me) if you go too near them.

Bad acting!!! Robin Thorsen has a B.A. in Theatre Arts, or so I read somewhere. But GIRRRRLL! What WAS that? "Ohhh yeah... what a jerk!" was very poorly-delivered, with a forced-growl and mock anger that made me cringe.

Fart jokes! Those are always welcome, anywhere anytime (well, most of the time), so Felicia Day got it right with this one. They really do help ease tension and break the ice (trust me, I've tried it).

BAM! The highlight of the ep! Wil Wheaton leads his guild to the forefront (or front of the line), with attitudes a-fired and baddie metal music a-playin'. I was looking forward to a little tete-a-tete between Codex and yet-unspecified-Axis-of-Anarchy-guild-leader, but alas, I was disappointed. Guess it's being pushed to the next ep. Felicia Day blogged that it's going to be a "LONG one", so I predict a little one-on-one geek showdown between Day and Wheaton!

So, place your bets, right here! Who's it gonna be?

As Wade once said, "Sorry, red". I'm placing my money on Wil. That six-o-clock shadow looks like it could do some REAL damage.

We'll find out next week, September 8th 2009! Keep those routers plugged in!

You Too Good:

Zaboo: "Your tongue is like a randy gymnast!"

A Bad Egg:

Clara's "What a jerk!" line by a mile. I can't even retype it, it made me cringe so much.

Till next time, fellow guildies!

(P.S. Don't mock the Priest. You haven't seen me cast a Shadow Word: Pain yet.)

All screenshots taken from the released episode of The Guild on MSN Streaming Live.

The Guild official site

*SPOILERS IN THIS REVIEW*

What has shocked our favorite ZABOO so much?

The Guild

2.11 Collision Course

Running Time: 6 minutes 25 seconds

Starring: Felicia Day, Sandeep Parikh, Jeff Lewis, Robin Thorsen, Vincent Caso, Amy Okuda

Guest Starring: Fernando Chien, Michele Boyd

Character Class: Outstanding

Grade: A

One word: epic.

Four words: Epic, spectacular, mindblowing, amazing.

Everything about this week's offering from The Knights of Good screamed, "2nd-to-last episode!" The acting was very good, albeit not as good as last week's "Socializing Sucks", IMO, but viewers were finally rewarded in terms of plot development with the prospect of a climactic showdown between the two leading men, or gnomes, in Codex's life.

Before I get too far ahead of myself, though, I just want to know: What is up with "Collision Course?" First "Socializing Sucks", now "Collision Course?" All I'm saying is, she sells seashells by the sea shore. Alliteration is the new fad of the Web 2.0 generation, folks, and you heard it here first on Grade The Guild (well, technically The Guild is the real pioneer, but they've been pioneering far too much nowadays).

So, now that I'm done - Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled pepper, okay, NOW I'm done - it's time to jump right into the penultimate episode of this very radical, and very cool Season 2.

Look at Miss Felicia Day there, looking all jilted and broken. In case you didn't watch the previous alliterating episode ("Socializing Sucks", man I just love to say that title) Codex tried to talk to Wade in an effort to "get her freaka on" (Missy Elliott's blasting from the apartment next door). Didn't really work, after all, because "Socializing Sucks", and at the start of the ep, we see her all sulky and mopey in front of the webcam.

Out of all the times she's been sulky and mopey, (it seems there's a lot more of that this season, what with her always harping on Wade earlier on) this is the big kahuna. She's tearing up. Her mouth's upturned. She's genuinely upset. Although she still looks fabulous. I guess sulky and mopey or not, the glamor factor's non-negotiable.

Anyway, Wade comes in to console her and actually appears ON THE WEBCAM(!), which is a first for The Guild - someone else other than Codex and Zaboo appears ON THE WEBCAM! Pretty soon we get this:

Kinda hot. I mean, redheaded "albino" and Asian muscledude look very out-of-place next to each other, but I definitely felt something when they kissed, though that may have also been due to the salsa I had for lunch.

Point is, that makes Zaboo mad.

Or sad.

Anyway.

Without a doubt, this screencap is my absolutest favoritest. Not to boast about my screencapping skills, but I am so glad I managed to catch this moment. Sandeep Parikh should just put this photo in his portfolio.

It's emotional, it speaks volumes, it's very much in-character, and it's basically an example of good acting for the screen. If I didn't know the genre, and just looked at this photo straight, I would say someone had betrayed Sandeep's character major-time, and not in a comedic way either. This looks like something out of some serious drama mojo a la Grey's Anatomy.

But this IS the Guild, after all.

And if there's anything we know Zaboo won't do, it's that he won't take any of this lying down... or sitting down in front of a computer, for that matter.

Pretty soon he's resolved to settle this battle for Codex the old-fashioned way, mano e mano, sticks and bones and the whole forest foliage, Don Quixote style, Bush on Bill.

He goes to Bladezz and Vork for advice and help, but smartly, they decline to equip him with anything but an egging on. Somehow, when this whole scene unfolds, it reminded me of the times I was a lowly Single-Digit Priest in Elwood Forest looking for like-minded Paladins to take on...

HOGGER.

Hmm. Not much resemblance there, but still...

Do I see Sean Becker or someone along those lines (by lines I mean, having the role of producer) in the background, behind Wade?

In case you're wondering, yes, Fernando Chien did show some skin.

Okay, a lot of skin. And it's all good, too.

Though my inner alterego Mary Diva (think Sasha Fierce) is telling me to write on this blog: "Cool it on the abs. Work more on the pecs", I refuse to listen to her. He's done a great job with his body, and it's not like I have any right to comment anyway, what with my qualms about going to the beach because I'm afraid I'll ruin people's suntanning sessions with my midsection blocking out the whole sun.

And pretty soon, faster than you can say "Chuck Norris"...